Still in freakout mode

I am still freaking out about finances, but it is what it is. There is not much I can do to change it right now, so Im taking baby steps. A payment here, a payment there. Small, but effective...even though it takes forever.

I am also in love and happy about it. This boy gives me butterflies whenever I look at him. I am ready to marry this one and run away. I might be crazy, but thats where my head is. I know Im still in the happy go lucky three month phase, but after knowing this one for almost two years, Im well aware of his flaws and I still love him.

Im sick of dating. I just want to be tied down and happy to stay home in the evening and just exist.

Bitching. Yes, I do it. So can you.

I am kinda freaking out. Looking at my finances has really put a damper on my whole mood. I am stretched to the limit. I will never pay off my mortgage, I owe over 25,000 more than it is worth.. I am not generating any equity at all... and that was the point of being a homeowner. I thought I would be here for 5 years, be able to sell and make just a little bit of money, and then be out. This is not going to be the case.

I just want to get married and leave this all behind. I realize that this is not going to happen for quite a long second, but I just want to get out of here. Im sick of waiting for my life to start. I am sick of school, I'm jaded with my work, I feel like I am being left out of a lot of things lately.

I feel like I am being a brat, and maybe I am... but I am just so pissed with the hand that I have been dealt. I feel tired all the time, I ache all the time, I have no energy to go out with anyone, Im in love with someone who lives two hours away and as real as Im sure it is, who knows if this will go anywhere. I need something good to happen. And soon.