...becomes a whiter shade of pale...

Im blue. I dont really know why, but im in a funk. I dont know if its the boy..or lack of the boy..any boy even... or if its the family.. I think that we are losing my karabear and fast. I know she needs to find her path, I just dont want to think of the heartache she is going to have to go through to get there. I did all that. I ran away at 18 like a fool... i stayed with a man who was evil for pride.. I dont want her to end up like that.. she is such a little me that it hurts.

Im also stuck at a plateau with my weight loss. I am going back to the gym tommorrow after a hiatus. Im still watching what I eat, for that im really really proud...but I need to get back to feeling the burn. Getting my metabolism back up is key. I walked a lot on vacation and im sure that helped, but I feel lazy and lackluster.

Thank god for my friends who keep trying to pull me up. To remind me that I am so special and I dont need the crap that even though he doesnt mean to put me through, he does. Its hard to love. Its hard to be alone at almost 31 when almost everyone I know is together with someone. Im not good at being alone. Im picky and know what I want. I have to have faith that something great is waiting for me. I just hope it doesnt take forever to find me.. or for me to find it.

So go away blue.. i want color again. I want to feel fire and passion and be happy. I think Ive waited long enough.